


A Musical Collection

by Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire



Category: Glee
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-23
Updated: 2010-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23022589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire/pseuds/Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire
Summary: I put my mp3 player on random and wrote some drabbles during the first 10 songs that came up. These are unrelated drabbles put into the same document, some are more canon leaning than others.I've also added youtube links to the music used for each part, so you can hear what inspired the bits.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Clusters

1\. _[Tsubasa wa Pleasure Line](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxNBDC0VVX8)/Our Wings are a Pleasure Line by Minami Kuribayashi_ ~~however did I know that the chances of a song not in English showing up were high?~~

Kurt dreams of wings, freedom, warmth and safety and wakes up in Blaine’s arms. Because that’s what Blaine is to Kurt – he’s freedom, warmth, safety, love, the ability to fly and not care about chains, he’s everything. And Kurt is addicted to it, helplessly in love and addicted to it.

At random times Blaine will text him and all the chains holding Kurt down will shatter into a million little shards and Kurt will smile. He can’t help it. He spends long nights up talking with Blaine when both of them should be studying or sleeping but he can’t help it. And at first it’s not about a crush or attraction, it’s just nice to finally, _finally_ , have someone that understands and gives a damn.

2\. _[The Fairy and the Labyrinth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B17dnxoZ9p0) from Pan’s Labyrinth _~~If you haven’t seen this movie, go watch it. Now. It’s epic and beautiful.~~

Not many know that Kurt has a deep, deep love for fairy tales. Not just “once upon a time there was a couple, they fell in love, and everything was roses and they lived happily ever after” no, Kurt was in love with the Grimm’s tales and eastern fairy tales that didn’t end with sunshine and rainbows. He liked the realism, he liked the danger, the real connections that people get after having a mythical creature try to eat them; he liked older fairy tales before the Church got a hold of them.

Dalton is like a labyrinth, like a fairy tale, so there must be something sinister about it underneath everything. When you peel back the Church’s influence, there has to be something else there.

Then Kurt realizes that Dalton isn’t an altered fairy tale, it’s a revised one – when you strip the Church away there’s nothing underneath. That realization keeps him at McKinley.

3 _.[Show Me Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z73ZAGwokVU) by T.a.T.u_. ~~Still nothing in English, lol!~~

Kurt likes Blaine’s body, like, a lot. His lips are perfect and his neck is delicious. If Kurt kisses the spot that connects Blaine’s neck and shoulder he knows that Blaine melts a little underneath him. He knows that if he trials his fingertips down Blaine’s chest he wiggles because he’s ticklish. He also knows that Blaine really, really likes it when Kurt straddles him or wraps his legs around his waist because Blaine likes Kurt’s body too.

And that’s the most startling part of it all – when Kurt shifts against Blaine and realizes that the other boy is just as hard as he is, he can’t help but think _I made another boy hard_ incredulously. It’s a new experience because the only other person Kurt’s ever had that claim was Karofsky and that Neanderthal got off on pain and humiliation, not Kurt.

4\. _[I Can’t Be Cool](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmn5dkjUyS0) by Yoko Kanno_ ~~good to know my mp3 player hasn’t betrayed me by giving me any embarrassing songs. :D~~

The first time Blaine sees Kurt dance – not just Cheerios routines or New Direction choreography – is with Mike Chang. Mike and Kurt dominate the stage and the moves are insane and sensual and _fuck that’s hot_. It’s a strange and wonderful mix of styles and it looks like they’ve been practicing it for months but Blaine knows they didn’t rehearse any of it. It’s in the little times when Mike dips a big too low to whisper to Kurt and the tiny nod he gets in reply. It’s in the moments when Kurt half sings the songs and Mike briefly does his own flip.

Tina stands next to him, eyes wide with this big smile as the dance winds down and ends with an explosive movement that is parts awe-inspiring, toe-curling hot, and complicated. Blaine would totally feel jealous if not for the fact that Kurt makes a bee line for him and kisses him enthusiastically, pressing against him in all the right ways, before moving his mouth to Blaine’s ear.

“Wanna get out of here?” He breathes and Kurt sounds so fucking hot that Blaine’s brain short circuits.

5\. _[Where Would You Be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7qwZuN1hUU) by Martina McBride_ ~~OMG something in English! And a country song! *is embarrassed*~~

Blaine’s ex-boyfriend makes Kurt want to scream and cut someone simultaneously. The jackass is a fucking prick and clearly still has feelings for Blaine. He touches Blaine all the fucking time, gentle hand brushes and lingering fingers, and Kurt wants to scream at him that if he doesn’t keep his hands off Blaine, Kurt _will cut him_ ; though which “him” at this point is up for grabs because Blaine doesn’t seem to be discouraging this behavior.

David and Wes alternately glare at the asshole and offer Kurt sympathetic glances. When the jackass’ hand settles on Blaine’s above the table, Blaine laughs at a joke and doesn’t move his hand. Kurt sees red for a few seconds before Blaine turns and just kisses his check for no reason. The jackass’ eyes go a little darker and Kurt feels like sticking his tongue out but that’s too childish so he settles for snuggling into Blaine’s side because Blaine is _his_ boyfriend.

Blaine’s arm settles around him and Kurt finds that his ire at the ex is fading into nothing because clearly Blaine likes what he’s got right now.

6\. _[Addictive Epicurean](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxVnHwxy-3U) by Schwartz Stein _~~And we’re back to other languages. I love Schwartz Stein. And Kaya when he went solo.~~

Blaine’s very careful with PDA. He’s very careful to always smoother Kurt with attention in the parking lot of McKinley high, as if flipping off all the people who give them disgusted looks. He’s also very careful to hold Kurt’s hand at every available moment they are together at McKinley, even in the one class they have together. It pisses teachers off, but they can’t say anything because Rachel’s dads have the ACLU on speed dial and Figgins is very aware of this fact.

The first time Blaine gets at slushy he calmly informs the offender that he will be getting Blaine’s dry cleaning bill or his parents will sue the pants off the asshole’s family. It works the first few times; until someone refuses to pay for it and Blaine tells his parents and they really do sue some football player’s family.

After that the slushy machine is actually used for its purpose – free slushy’s. And Kurt is ecstatic because now he doesn’t have to use his money to pay for endless dry cleaning bills and can use it for more…practical things.

7\. _[I’m Your Favorite Drug](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRN_Dc8-smQ) by Porcelain and the Tramps_ ~~OMG English again! And I love PatT, it’s a pity they weren’t more popular.~~

Blaine sometimes hates the fact that he’s a teenage boy. Sometimes he’d actually like to have a dream about Kurt that doesn’t end in him having to take a shower, change his pants and his bedding. Sometimes he’d like to have an evening with Kurt that doesn’t end with him all over the boy because Kurt is like a nymph – all sexy and sensual and addicting. Of course, it helps that Kurt is also a teenage boy and is very, very eager to have Blaine all over him. It helps that Kurt likes phone sex in the mornings, so all Blaine has to do after he wakes up with a hard on is call Kurt and suddenly his morning wank becomes so, so much better.

And if sometimes they don’t make it to actual dates because they get distracted in the car or one of their bedrooms, that’s totally fine too.

8\. _[Traeumst Du](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHLa1VY3lLI) by Oomph!_ ~~And we’re back to other languages. If you haven’t heard Oomph’s stuff, I demand you go listen to a few songs – this one and “Augen Auf” just to start you off. =D.~~

Blaine liked invading Kurt’s dreams. It’s a talent he’s had since he was little and when he was growing up his parents had been very careful to teach him how to control it properly. They also ensured that he had a strong moral code, because dreams are very personal things.

But with Kurt he just can’t help it. Kurt’s dreams are always so…unique. Sure, he had the occasional teenage wet dream – of which Blaine made sure he was the star – but he also had dreams about winter and perfume and his mother. He had dreams that were compilations of memories and wishes all thrown together. More than once Blaine had stumbled into a dream of Kurt cuddled with his mother telling her about Blaine and New Directions and how hard it was at school sometimes. The more that Blaine hid in the shadows during these dreams the more it became apparent that Kurt’s mom wasn’t just a figment of Kurt’s imagination. She was brighter than anything else in the space and looked foreign.

And she knew he was there. He wasn’t sure what convinced him of this, but he knew it was true. She knew he was there. When Kurt would close his eyes and just snuggle against her side her eyes would stay on him but it felt like she was staring at Blaine. It made him uncomfortable so he often left when Kurt’s dreams turned that direction.

Other times Kurt dreamed of dates with Blaine on the moon or in Paris or a city underwater that wasn’t quite as warm as it should be. Blaine played his part wonderfully, loving that he was such a prominent figure in Kurt’s psyche. Because Blaine just couldn’t help but be a little in love with Kurt.

9\. _[Free& Easy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSSBreBqFlg) by Ayumi Hamasaki_ ~~The Queen of JPop, she’s a Goddess. She’s my Josh Groban – “Who is Aymui Hamasaki? KILL YOURSELF!”~~

Kurt was strong. He knew that. But just because he was strong didn’t mean he didn’t need support. That seemed to be something Mercedes just didn’t understand about him. She always come to him when she needed a shoulder to cry on and he always gave her one and did his level best to cheer her up. But whenever he needed someone she didn’t know what to say or do.

It wasn’t her fault; she wasn’t doing it on purpose. It was like his dad – they both loved and cared for him, they just had difficulties listening and loving Kurt for all he was. That’s all.

That’s why he likes Wes and David. They’re straight but they understand him and like him for all he is. It’s why he likes Blaine; Blaine loves all of him, even the parts that Kurt doesn’t like about himself. Wes and David will listen to him when he just needs to cry and vent and they’ll vent with him and Wes sometimes cries with him while David lets Kurt pick the movies they watch. It’s nice to have straight friends that he can fall asleep with and wake up the next morning and nothing will be awkward.

And with Blaine…it’s just nice to have someone that loves all of him.

10\. _[Epiphany](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0M_YyMiGMM) from Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street _~~A musical! ONE MUSICAL NUMBER! Also the Burton version cause I like it more.  
~~

When Karofsky committed suicide Kurt locked himself in his bathroom for an hour and laughed. Laughed like a maniac and he supposed there was something wrong with him because shouldn’t he feel remorse for Karofsky? He committed suicide, an end that Kurt himself had pondered and planed multiple times. But, no, he couldn’t get any remorse whatsoever up for Karofsky – he just laughed.

He went through the week seeing people look morose and spent countless hours giggling to himself in private. He spends almost the whole week listening to “Sweeny Todd” on repeat because the songs make him giggle and smile and he loves singing them because he feels giggly and happy. He spends quite a few hours wondering if there’s something wrong with him, but comes to the conclusion that no, he just loves Karma.

Because some people just deserve to die. He stops wondering if that makes realization makes him a bad person.


	2. Dispersion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is another "put your mp3 player on random and write for the first 10 songs" but this one is actually more of a coherent verse. It's all about Kurt's journey to and from Dalton and his developing relationship with Blaine.

  1. [Defying Gravity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf9Bt5WFZKs) – Wicked **(Bold** is Rachel singing, _Italics_ is Kurt.)




Kurt did not expect New Directions to invade Dalton on the first weekend he had there, he really didn’t.

He also didn’t expect, when coming down the main stairwell, for Rachel to be three stories below him and start singing the opening lines to “Defying Gravity” to get his attention. Something inside him just…freezes and snaps and he finds himself looking down at her in utter shock as she sings. She sees him and he starts to rush down to her, because that’s _his song_ she’s singing and he can’t _not_ sing it. She opens as Glenda, so when Elphaba’s part comes up, he takes no heed to the fact that he’s still a floor above her and just belts out the lyrics.

_I hope you're happy  
I hope you're happy, too  
I hope you're proud how you   
Would grovel in submission  
To feed your own ambition_

They’re starting to draw attention and he really, really hopes the Warblers aren’t going to be pissed at him for singing with New Directions. He gets to the bottom of the stairs and she’s looking at him boldly from only a few feet away now and he feels as if they’re singing at each other, furiously communicating through song, in the auditorium hours after school ended.

_**So though I can't imagine how  
I hope you're happy right now** _

He is standing in front of her now and can see the rest of New Directions by the wall, some smiling at him, some just staring as they usually do when he and Rachel get into “conversations” like this, when this is the only way for them to communicate.

**Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry  
You can still be with the Wizard  
What you've worked and waited for  
You can have all you ever wanted**

And of course here comes the unspoken parts – Rachel isn’t saying he should be sorry for transferring or abandoning them. It’s why she’s here; to tell him it’s okay.

_Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes: and leap!  
  
It's time to try  
Defying gravity  
I think I'll try  
Defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!_

Oh for God’s sake he feels like crying, what the hell is wrong with him? And Rachel is looking at him and she looks about ready to cry too, this is ridiculous. What are they doing?

**Can't I make you understand?  
You're having delusions of grandeur**

Rachel shakes her head, a tear rolling down her face. She’s happy with his decisions.

_I'm through accepting limits  
'Cuz someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change  
But till I try, I'll never know!  
Too long I've been afraid of  
Losing love I guess I've lost  
Well, if that's love  
It comes at much too high a cost!  
I'd sooner buy  
Defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye  
I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down_

He wonders, briefly if he’s supposed to do the lines too, then decides that, yes, it’s probably important.

_Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could do: together._

Rachel smiles at him, all watery eyed and it’s around this time that Kurt realizes they have a rather large audience, but he’s not paying them any attention.

_Unlimited  
Together we're unlimited  
Together we'll be the greatest team   
There's ever been  
Glinda -   
Dreams, the way we planned 'em_

Rachel grabs his hand.

**If we work in tandem  
  
** _**There's no fight we cannot win  
Just you and I  
Defying gravity  
With you and I  
Defying gravity** _

_They'll never bring us down!  
Well? Are you coming?_

**I hope you're happy  
Now that you're choosing this**

Rachel looks around the school and he knows she means she hopes he’s happy here.

_You too  
I hope it brings you bliss_

Because he does hope she’s happy – he hopes they’re all happy with his choice because he didn’t have a choice – he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t live in fear for a moment longer.

_**I really hope you get it  
And you don't live to regret it  
I hope you're happy in the end  
I hope you're happy, my friend** _

Her hand slips from his and she’s crying and smiling at him and this feels like good-bye. She starts to leave and the rest of New Directions shoot him a smile before following after her and this is wrong. There’s…there’s more to the song. It can’t be goodbye, it doesn’t feel right.

_So, if you care to find me  
Look to the western sky!  
As someone told me lately:  
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"_

Rachel turns around to look at him and he starts to cry and she’s running back to him – oh, god what this must _look like_. He continues to sing even as she throws her arms around him.

  
_And if I'm flying solo  
At least I'm flying free  
To those who'd ground me  
_

Rachel pulls away to hold his hand and smiles at him through tears.

_Take a message back from me  
Tell them how I am  
Defying gravity  
I'm flying high  
Defying gravity  
And soon I'll match them in renown_

_And nobody in all of Oz  
No Wizard that there is or was  
Is ever gonna bring me down!_

**I hope you're happy!**

Rachel sings as she brushes away some of his tears. No one breaks in as the citizens and this feels right.

_**Bring me down!  
**_ They both meld their voices at the end for one last note. And he’s crying and she’s crying, but at least she’s okay with his choice because he couldn’t stay there, he couldn’t. And this is the only real way they ever communicate healthy because neither of them is very good at conversations, but they know how to express themselves in music.

There’s a hand on his shoulder and when he looks he can see it belongs to Blaine, which makes him smile and he must look pathetic because Blaine hugs him and it’s a wonderful, amazing hug that he’s been wanting from somebody for a least a few weeks now. There’s thunderous applause around them and he sees Rachel and New Directions leave for real this time and he feels so much better about Sectionals because he knows, _he knows,_ that New Directions isn’t going to hold this against him. He wraps his arms around Blaine and breathes in because he finally feels okay about this.

  1. [Venus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOQS--sF9xY) \- Theatre of Tragedy




Technically, Dalton has a curfew. So, technically, Kurt is supposed to be in his room right now, not on the roof with Blaine. Blaine snuck him up here once lights out was called and Kurt feels giddy and somewhat ridiculous, like he’s in a movie and not reality. Reality didn’t have people like Blaine, boys like Blaine died out last century – they didn’t exist anymore.

But right now Kurt can’t seem to care about that because he’s slow dancing with a boy on a rooftop to no music and nothing is expected of him. He doesn’t have to worry about making the other boy uncomfortable or misreading any signs. The wind blows and it’s cold but Kurt really could care less – his jaw aches because he’s been smiling more then he’s used to and Blaine has an equally goofy and sappy smile on his face and they’re probably going to be sick tomorrow but Kurt could really care less.

They stop dancing and Kurt can feel butterflies in his stomach and his heart is beating furiously because this is when people kiss. This is the moment in films where people kiss and Blaine is coming closer and oh merciful heaven, Blaine’s about to kiss him.

Blaine’s lips touch the corner of his mouth, lightly, and it’s more of a butterfly touch then a kiss and then Blaine moves away and Kurt’s confused.

“This is where people kiss.” Kurt blurts out and he can feel himself turn red because how less subtle can you get? He wants to crawl in a hole and die, he’s so embarrassed.

“Yes, but I’m not sure this is where _we_ kiss.” And Kurt feels some of the anxiety leave him because that means Blaine isn’t expecting anything from him. It makes him both relieved and disappointed.

  1. [Shame](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBGqveusXQ8) – Stabbing Westward




Dalton is a big place and sometimes Kurt can’t believe he’s really here. That no one is going to shove him in lockers or toss him in dumpsters or sexually assault him – not that Karofsky really _assaulted_ him, but the threat was clear. Loud and always there and Kurt was terrified of that possibility – he wasn’t stupid, he knew the bigger jock could have easily overpowered him and the thought made him cry at night and have horrible nightmares. He still wakes up screaming sometimes, which makes him really very happy that since he was a late transfer that he didn’t get a roommate.

But seeing Blaine at breakfast makes things better – he remembers where he is and that Dalton has a zero-tolerance policy that’s strictly enforced and he relaxes a little. It doesn’t stop his reflex reaction to seeing bigger guys with Styrofoam cups in their hands but he doesn’t jump at loud noises or laughter anymore.

“Hey.” Wes and David appear at his side – which is weird because _how do they do that_? They just appear out of no where sometimes, it’s unnerving. He smiles at them in response because he still doesn’t really know these guys all that well.

“The Warblers are all going to give an impromptu performance in the junior commons at lunch – any suggestions on songs?”

Kurt blinks because he’s still not used to the fact that the glee club here are actually popular and well liked. The only time New Directions ever did an “impromptu performance” only two people even paid them any attention – one who left to join Vocal Adrenaline and the other was Sam. Then his brain catches up to what David just said.

“Wait, you guys don’t choose from a set of songs you already practice or anything? You just...jump in with any song?” He asks incredulously because that sounds a little too much like New Directions for his comfort zone – he doesn’t want to realize he’s really in a Twilight Zoned McKinley High.

“Oh, no, no, no! It has to be a song we all know, from like the radio or something, and something simple for us to just get the hang of. We’re really just…uh…mimicking? Yeah, mimicking songs we all know. That’s why ‘Teenage Dream’ worked so well because between Blaine and the radio we were hearing the song in our sleeps.” Wes explains. David nods and looks ready to laugh. There’s obviously an inside joke afoot here.

“We could do ‘Just Dance’ by Lady Gaga or Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World,’ that’s really popular right now.” Kurt says, for once hoping to do a number other than Lady Gaga. Wes and David immediately jump on Rihanna’s number because all the guys know that song.

Kurt’s really, really happy when they don’t even bother trying to change any of the lyrics and tell him that he and Blaine will have to share the song. Which means that he’s going to be singing to Blaine and Blaine’s gonna be singing to him.

He’s so going to do a Rachel Berry and be obnoxiously in love with Blaine during this song.

  1. [Starless Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqcTyLSE5vA) – Olivia Lufkin




Sectionals. He’s here at Sectionals and he can’t help put feel that he’s with the wrong group. He should be with New Directions, listening to Rachel and Finn being obnoxious and Britt and Santana giggling over something. He shouldn’t be with here, with this other group and Blaine. Though, he does like being with Blaine. He likes that a lot.

But he shouldn’t be here.

The guys are all mentally going over their steps and Kurt feels like snapping at them that if they don’t know them by now they’re screwed, so just relax, will you? He wonders what songs New Directions are gonna do and what their choreography looks like. He smiles at the thought that at least this time no one is pregnant.

“Hey.” Blaine whispers as he hugs Kurt from behind and Kurt feels giddy because Finn does this to Rachel all the time and he’s seen Sam and Quinn in this position too and it makes him happy because it’s a couple position and even though he and Blaine haven’t kissed it’s still nice.

“Hey.” He whispers back, because the last person that talked at a normal volume got yelled at by Eric, who was frantically trying to remember the choreography. Kurt really felt like he was a professional among amateurs and he wondered if that meant something deeper.

“You excited?” Blaine kissed Kurt’s cheek and Wes and David giggled nearby – fucking perverts, can’t they do something else than spy on Blaine and him all the time?

“Kind of bored actually – last year’s Sectionals were much more stressful. What with us freaking out because our set list got leaked and we had to come up with completely new numbers and choreography. I think I almost got a gray hair from that event alone. Never mind that at Regionals last year Quinn went into labor right after we were done performing.” Silence meets his answer and he realizes he forgot to whisper and Eric is probably going to start screaming and Kurt will be forced to verbally bitch him out – great. But, as he looks around he sees that every member of the Warblers is in varying degrees of shock and awe.

“You guys managed to put that together in an hour?” Someone asks and Kurt suddenly remembers that these things are _taped_ and of course the Warblers had seen the tape of last year’s Sectionals. They just didn’t know that all they had was a little under an hour – more like 45 minutes because they had to wait for Finn to show up – to put together a new set list with new choreography.

“We’re screwed.” Wes says. And Kurt tries to abort his smile because even though he’s 100% sure New Directions is going to wipe the floor with the Warblers it’s not very sportsmanly to point that out.

He clutches Blaine’s arms because he has a feeling that if Blaine let him go, he’d jump ship and go back to New Directions in a heartbeat.

  1. [Drones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_8YDsfDKrs) – Jed Whedon




“Where you even going to tell me?”

Kurt turns around sharply to look at Blaine, dropping a show he had been packing. Blaine was leaning against the open door and he looked upset – angry and hurt.

“I wasn’t sure what to say.” Kurt whispers, because he doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want Blaine angry or hurt or upset.

“You’re going back there, Kurt. Why are you doing this? You’re safe here – don’t you remember the terror you felt walking those halls? Don’t you remember the nights you stayed up, talking to me because you couldn’t go to sleep because you were so stressed and frightened?” Blaine comes into the room as his voice gets louder and he slams the door behind him. Strangely the loud sound doesn’t make Kurt jump as he expected it would but he can feel the burn behind his nose as tears come up.

“I remember.”

“Then why are you doing this?! You’re safe here!” Kurt wonders which one of them Blaine is shouting at. Kurt feels so defeated, what is he supposed to say? He’s willing to go back to that life of terror for New Directions? He’s willing to go back there to try and make a difference in a small way? He can’t stand to be at Dalton because he has the nagging feeling he’s going to get pushed out of Wonderland? He can’t stay at Dalton because every time he looks at Blaine his heart hurts because he can’t figure out what they’re doing and if Blaine’s actually interested in him or not? Which is the truth?

Blaine is shouting and pacing and Kurt can’t hear him because there’s a strange buzz in his head.

“Kiss me.” Blaine stops talking and looks at him with a foreign expression. “Kiss me and I’ll stop the transfer – I’ll stay here. With you.” Blaine’s so close and he’s leaning in and Kurt closes his eyes.

He doesn’t open them when he hears the door open; he just lets the tears fall. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying just that he needs to.

  1. [Distant Dreams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEJ5LPzOywY) – Blue Foundation




Coming back into McKinley is like going into World War II if you had fought in World War I. It’s suicide and tiring and sheer stupidity. He gets a slushy to the face before first period even starts and for the first time in almost two years he feels like running into the nearest bathroom to cry about it.

He doesn’t of course, but the feeling is still there. He goes into English and remembers just how tedious and easy this school curriculum is – the book they’re doing is literally one he read in Middle School and he spends the class period writing the essay that’s not due for two weeks.

In Algebra II his teacher implies that Kurt had to transfer back because he didn’t understand Dalton’s curriculum and Kurt solves the problem on the board faster than the other guy does and he does it with a formula his Dalton professor showed him – it’s wicked complicated but takes half the time to solve. He sneers at the teacher on his way back to his seat and spends the rest of his class doing the homework for the next week. He doesn’t have any problem and turns it in when the bell rings.

He spends lunch in the auditorium and stares at his phone for ten minutes straight before putting it away. Blaine hasn’t texted him and it hurt him – this is going to be so much harder without Blaine. But he has a wallet picture of him and his locker once again has Blaine’s school picture in it. It hurts to look at it, but it also makes him feel better. He wonders if that makes him a masochist.

History is mind-numbingly boring because Dalton was literally a whole century ahead of McKinley so he already has more detailed notes about the events being discussed, so he starts a letter to Blaine, telling him about his day and how much he wishes things were different, how he wishes he could be like Blaine and be content with ‘safety’. It’s entirely in French and Kurt knows he’s never going to send it, so he writes how much he loves Blaine in the last five lines before the bell rings.

French has never been more of a disaster. In the last thirty minutes of class he gets into a fight with the teacher over something and the argument is entirely in French and she yells at him, in English, to go to the principle’s office. He does, but not before telling her off in French and stating that she’s a failure as a teacher because she could clearly only follow about half of what Kurt was saying.

Mr. Figgins is nervous and after telling him that he couldn’t disrespect his teachers, he lets Kurt go in time for Glee Club to start. And the best part of his day is once again reduced to the hour and a half that he has Glee Club and he has to listen to Puck and Finn make homophobic jokes and Rachel being bossy and diva-ish. Mr. Schue makes some vague commentary about commitments and responsibility and Kurt wants to scream at him to shut the fuck up because he has no fucking idea how hard this is for him. He hasn’t seen Karofsky, but he knows the second he does it’s going to terrify him and his old cycle of sheer terror while at school will be the norm once more.

He wishes Blaine was talking to him. He wishes Blaine was here to be confusing so Kurt could get a hug without feeling awkward. He wonders if this is how Alice felt for the rest of her life – like she had been robbed of something vital but knew she couldn’t ever get it back.

  1. [Chijou no Seiza](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXz2MAVLV1U)/Constellations of the Earth - Lyrics: Mori Yuriko/ Vocals: Ueno Youko




He closed the door to his locker and turned and there he was. Right in his space and Kurt took a step backwards, hitting the lockers, whimpering because he _didn’t want Karofsky this close to him, not ever._ He didn’t say anything, just looked at Kurt and he felt sick when he realized it was the same look Jonathon gave him – the really annoying guy from Dalton that really, really liked the way Kurt looked. Kurt was flattered and a little awed, after all there was a boy who would do double takes when he strutted past, but Kurt knew Jonathon only wanted to screw him. He did not like seeing that look from Karofsky, it terrified him.

“What’s the matter, Hummel, got tired of spreading your legs at Homo Academy, so you came back here?” Karofsky was whispering and Kurt felt like crying and screaming and he really, really wished he had a rape whistle like Rachel.

“Get away from me.” How he managed to say that and not have his voice shake or crack is beyond him, but somehow he managed it.

“There a problem here, Princess?” Puck’s voice came from behind Karofsky and Kurt had never been so happy to hear it in his life. He ducked around Karofsky to stand behind Puck, under normal circumstances he wouldn’t dream of hiding behind anyone – much less Puck – but these were not normal circumstances.

Karofsky just sneered at them and walked away. Puck turned around and he must have looked pathetic because before he knew what was happening Puck had taken his hand and was towing him towards the principle’s office.

It was different than holding Blaine’s hand – Puck’s fingers were callused in the same way Blaine’s were from years of guitar playing but Puck gripped his hand a little too tightly and there wasn’t this strange slow of electricity between him and Puck the way there was between Blaine and him.

Fuck, this was getting pathetic. Everything was reminding him of Blaine, even holding hands with Puck! That’s it, he was calling Blaine today. He was calling until he picked up and they were talking about this because apparently Kurt can’t do anything without him anymore.

  1. [Before](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVIDc60Pu2w) – Infected Mushroom




There are a lot of things Kurt never expected to see in his living room. Carole and his dad making out, Finn and Rachel making out, his mother miraculously sitting there as if she belonged, Karofsky on fire, Mr. Schue, and Blaine among them. So, imagine his shock when he comes home and there Blaine is, sitting calmly on his sofa in his living room watching a football game with his dad.

“Blaine?” His mouth did not have permission to say things like that. It did not have permission to speak unless his brain was okay with whatever was being said.

“Hey.” Blaine responded, looking at him awkwardly from the couch. Kurt’s dad clears his throat and he thinks he hears his father mutter something like _that’s my cue_ before leaving the room. Kurt goes over and stands in front of Blaine, juts staring at him.

He reaches out and touches the other boy’s cheek.

“I’m not dreaming?” His mouth is _still_ saying things it doesn’t have permission to. Blaine leans into his hand and closes his eyes before responding.

“If you are, then so am I, and I hope never to wake.” Blaine turns his head and kisses Kurt’s palm and Kurt blushes because it’s been months since he last heard from Blaine and he had gotten reused to not having anyone just randomly kiss his hand or fingers or forehead or side of the mouth.

“My room is in the basement.” Kurt says walking mechanically to his door and then down the stairs. He can hear Blaine behind him and his heart is doing that pitter-patter thing it used to whenever Blaine smiled at him or sang to him or was just around him. When he turns around Blaine is right there, so close, and Kurt’s been missing him so close, been missing him so there all the time.

They stand inches away from each other, just staring, and Kurt feels like crying again and Blaine looks like he hasn’t been sleeping well – neither has Kurt, but he has make-up and knows how to use it – and he knows they’ve both lost weight. When Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s neck, the other boy nearly crushes him in a hug and Kurt feels like they’re back at Dalton and Rachel just told him it was okay for him to be there and Blaine still smells of ginger and apple cider and safety and warmth and _Blaine_. He doesn’t cry, but he does gasp in great handfuls of breaths and for once in the past few months he feels okay, he feels like he isn’t about to break into a million pieces.

When he feels tears drop onto his neck and shoulder he realizes that Blaine is crying and it hurts Kurt so much to think of Blaine in pain he can’t help the broken sound that comes from him.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kurt. I’m so sorry.” Blaine mutters and Kurt just clutches at him, pressing the side of his face against Blaine’s. There’s too much pain to talk right now. Talking will come later, later when Kurt doesn’t feel the need to ensure he isn’t dreaming through physical contact.

  1. [Britney Spears vs. Lady Gaga - Circus Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euB3bBGmqcU)




Blaine is welcomed into New Directions with open arms, mostly because when Kurt introduces him he looks happy and Blaine looks at Kurt like he’s the best thing in the world so obviously he’s in. That and the fact that the boy can sing amazingly well, of course.

The fact that Blaine gets along with everyone is just a plus.

He and Sam geek out over movies and T.V. series, it gets to the point where Kurt and Quinn forbid them from sitting next to each other because they were tired of being ignored in favor of inside jokes involving Torchwood and Doctor Who. Blaine, Finn, and Puck all have the same taste in video games and Blaine gives them the shock of a lifetime when he tells them that Kurt has a secret love affair with Resident Evil – mostly the games because the only good movie was Afterlife. Kurt gets invited to the guys video game nights after that.

Blaine and Mike like the same Eastern Dramas and they attempt to explain to the whole club about the best drama in existence – Smiling Pasta. No one can get past the name so they give up. Blaine and Tina, oddly enough, have the same taste in clothes – odd because Kurt kind of assumed that Blaine liked blazers and uniforms, but of course after years in a private school he adores the expression from gothic fashion. Blaine and Tina get in joint rants about the crap phase of “emo” and have epic facebook convos involving candy corn and Robot Unicorn Attack.

Blaine and Quinn debate religion, which means their relationship is a lot like the one between Kurt and Rachel – full of banter and barbs and insults. It works for them. Santana and Blaine can both reduce full grown adults to crying babies, so they respect each other’s verbal skills. Britney and Blaine like the same cartoons, which Kurt can’t help but find adorable because, well…it’s _Britney_. The fact that Britney threatens Blaine using Looney Tunes references and the fact that the threat is about treating Kurt right, makes it even more adorable, especially when Blaine nods very seriously.

Rachel and Blaine bond over their mutual love for Rock Operas and Kurt realizes that Rachel likes Repo the Genetic Opera, which makes her infinitely more stand-able in his eyes. Blaine and Mercedes bond over Kurt…which is weird in a sweet way. They have facebook convos involving tutus and glitter. Kurt learns not to ask.

Everyone assumes they’re dating, but they have still yet to share a kiss and Kurt finds that he really, really wants to kiss Blaine. Like, a lot. Like, he daydreams about it and has imagined it more times than his power rangers had gotten married – and that’s a large number. He imagines it in History or French, he writes about it in English and Math, and during Glee Club he wishes every three seconds that it’ll happen. He has a feeling it will be perfect, but damn does he wish it would just _happen_ already. It would be nice to actually have what everyone assumes be reality, just this once.

  1. [Alice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlebJDENzic) – Cocteau Twins




They’re dancing again, in Kurt’s basement and this time there’s music. When Blaine leans forward, they both stop moving as their lips touch and it is perfect. Smooth, gentle, lingering, and perfect.

“Why didn’t you do that at Dalton?” Kurt finds himself asking. Blaine presses their foreheads together.

“Because sometimes Alice needs to have Wonderland come to her.” Blaine whispers before kissing him again. It’s the first of many.

**Author's Note:**

> The author who wrote this is deceased. This is being posted by her fannish next of kin. Any comments left are appreciated but will not be answered.


End file.
